Why Communication with Tweens Breaks Down

In a recent class, something really stood out to me: the dads just assumed their sons would go to them with questions. But after our social media activity they learned that wasn't the case. Where did communication break down?

🐝 That miscommunication is exactly why we, the grown-ups, have to make the first move.

This is exactly why it’s so important for us, as parents and caregivers, to kindly take responsibility with starting tough conversations—not by waiting for the “perfect moment” or the “right question,” but by stepping up and showing we’re here, ready to have open conversations.

Tweens are terrified of “getting it wrong.” Honestly, most of us still carry that fear, too.

I realized waiting for questions was a dead end—so I created a fix.

🐝 Introducing the B.E.E. Method

A 3-step check-in tool for real, quick convos

We ask our tweens to own their choices—same rules apply to us. When we lead with accountability (not blame), we model the exact courage and curiosity we want them to practice.

That’s the heartbeat behind our B.E.E. Method.

1. Be Curious –Start with a question so you can understand what’s really going on.

2. Explore – Listen closely and show them you get it, even if it feels awkward.

3. Explain What Helps – Share a fact, story, or plan that makes the next step feel easier.

I hear you—acronyms can feel cheesy. Here’s why this one delivers 👇

🐝 The B.E.E. Method is better the ice breaker you didn't know you needed.

It's short & sweet. Keeps the conversation manageable and focused.

You now have a shared language with your tweens. When you say “Let’s B.E.E. this,” everyone knows the playbook and can use the acronym.

This method creates mutual respect. You’re guiding, not lecturing, so nobody walks away defensive.

☎️ How to use this Tween communication tool

I’m all about practical steps—so let me walk you through this.

1. Start and schedule a casual check-In. Pick a relaxed moment—during dinner, a walk, or while driving.

2. Lead with “Be Curious.” “Hey, what’s on your mind lately about school or friends?”

3. Explore your Tween's perspective. Nod, ask follow-ups: “How did that make you feel?”

4. Explain what helps. “When I was your age, I found it helped when I…” or “Here’s one idea we could try…”

You might assume your tween will come to you the moment they have a question—but trust me, that rarely happens. We often expect them to speak up, only to find ourselves met with silence. So where does the breakdown really happen?

🐝 That gap in conversation is exactly why we, the grown-ups, have to make the first move.

Try out this method this week! Give the B.E.E. Method a spin and let me know how it lands. Your next breakthrough convo could be just three letters away. 🐝